random words to be hosted. mostly my thoughts and such in a blog format. it is to be read from the top down, and each article will be signed by my private gpg key, hosted on https://meox.moe/meox/about/meox_.html ~ -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hash: SHA512 05/11/2026 - 1:30 pm PST (this is just writing about stuff thats on my head. i just took my adderall so its going to be a little disjointed) well, i suppose i should start talking about stuff from here on out. i have a lot of words written in my notebook but i am not sure if i really want to port those over to here. the notebooks go back to i think 2022 when i was head-over-heels for akuji. blah. what a time. a lot of things happened since then. in terms of relationships, i went through quite the change. i locked onto a girl named GlitchyGrl. she was very kind, but our relationship values were incongruent. she was very... monogamous... and i was not really free expressing my sexual and emotional feelings towards others, which i now have access to. admittedly, it is much more laid back now. she taught me so much about myself so i cannot say i will ever forget her. taught me how to love, cry, fight back against the sadness. she truly loved me, and i honestly feel bad that we had to go our seperate ways. this section i admittedly hope hes reads someday, i really didnt intend to never talk to her again... but if it has to be that way i guess i cannot change it. after that 4 year excursion i found someone a lot more compatable with me. while i was with GlitchyGrl, i actually started exploring my sexual and gender identity more but i was ashamed to ever be seen as a girl. never told anyone. honestly it was very hard. that changed when i met another trans girl by the name of ShowMe7 in the discord server Minecraft@Home(https://discord.gg/mch if they have not lost the vanity link). they helped me gain confidence in myself and because of them i finally came out. coming out to my family was hard(no shit). really i was most worried about three people; my dad, brother and grandpa. my grandpa would immediately excommunicat me if he ever found out. my brother has a disdain for it but i dont make it my whole personality so he tolerates it. same with my dad. but yeah. ShowMe7(https://meox.moe/user/showme7/about/showme7.html) and i have been dating for like 9ish months now. fun stuff! i will mention some stuff about a third party. i will not being saying who they are but im sure the people who know me already know who im talking about. if you dont, use your magical powers of extrapolation! haha. but it is going good so far. Showme7 is okay with it. she understands my point of view and even partakes in it. boy, i love talking in T & U! one more thing before i go. i met up with a cute boy last weekend. i absolutely lost my mind with him. he was so cute and i just wanted to talk with him so so much. i just,, aah. i gave him my number and he texted me back. i called him cute and he hasnt responded back. oh well. if that ruined things, so be it. he taught me some things about myself and i think was a generally good influence. so thank you, Emmett -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- iHUEARYKAB0WIQQMqJIYme2FQ8HJW3Iln1vGf9x0QQUCagJLCwAKCRAln1vGf9x0 QTmCAQDrs1KzDeNLtQ4ZAzYhgBlpgAFw+Y8M4PxsxVO1ECixAgD/YhkTvy89DpY7 u1ylooNfD8MvZ/KMn26v4iRc+cNSDQo= =9GJm -----END PGP SIGNATURE----- -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hash: SHA512 05-22-2026 its been a while now, i suppose i should write another entry. today was interesting. it has now been cemented in my mind that cognitohazards are very much real and will cause harm. i learned this in a not-so-fun way while discussing some things. oh well. i didnt read it all, i mostly just skimmed it. ive also been having some very vivid dreams, even moreso than what most people would call normally vivid. last night i went to sleep at 10 pm. i woke up the following evening at 2 pm. you read that correctly, that was 16 hours of sleep. you may wonder "what the hell did meox do to sleep that long", and i honestly could not give you an answer. its funny. in all of my dreams, i never use my powers of nightly lucidity to harm others. mostly i tend to be a citizen of my own world. not last night. last night someone pissed me off by disrespecting my grandma and i did not let him off nicely. im also back from my friends house. i worked on some wiring and soldered an esp01 to some stuff for mavlink telemetry over wifi. pretty simple stuff. since i got back i have been messing with my fpv drone for the first time in a while. trying to get mavlink to work on betaflight devices is like trying to get mosquitos to fly in a straight line. or however the saying goes. i really miss my friend. i do kinda go there bi-weekly to do "work ajacent" things, but i enjoy it. that kinda ties into the first thing i wrote about. what worth does a person have if not for what they do or say? not just for other people, but for yourself? my entire life i lived under the assumption that my entire worth was what i brought to the table, what i as able to do, acomplish. but i guess thats not true? i was taught this way, the world reflects this view, and now im being told that it is incorrect? it feels so incredibly alien to me that ... i dont know where im going with this. i need to write more on the computer. guess im also watching lain again, thats neat. also my truenas went down today, the HBA overheated. so i got the fun oppertunity to fix that or something. systemd was taking a horribly long time to restart/boot up. somehw i fixed it just by waiting? also i switched the NFS mount scripts to use NFS v4.1 because it seems more stable. i know theres something else im missing here looking around my room doesnt ring any bells of what i want to put here. guess that sucks. i really ought to make these records more often. with how infrequent they currently are, nobody marking these records could find any trends. that is not my intention so i will try to write more. also, to that server, cognitohazard, sorry. i dont know how people can accept me even if i did something wrong. its not often that people see the difference between what i think and what i am. they attacked my idea and it felt like an attack upon me. usually the two are synonymous, but not this time. or at least this time they said they cared about me and that the way i was thinking and how it was beaten into me was wrong. it was weird and it made me feel *deeply* uncomfortable. but it seems like thats not normal for me to feel? im supposed to help support these people and these people help support me. i thank them. but still, it will take quite a while of reflashing on my part to understand. im no stranger to having a fair chunk of text written down, but it usually takes the form of 9 pages of college ruled notebook. this way seems more "pure"? i only write like this because i dont think anyone wants to see my immense number of notebook pages. i really ought to digitize them. that is a project for a later time. not today, but ready the scanner meoxi -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- iHUEARYKAB0WIQQMqJIYme2FQ8HJW3Iln1vGf9x0QQUCahAdtQAKCRAln1vGf9x0 QUouAQDWR5YPwJDVnen7eY1/cPCGS4ZZJ9BcT0kOSduqlVHGbQEAt01mwc2xxGYf upuYWRakPEaVjVu2rCwVsH9MoRCjowQ= =0uJs -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----